WATCH THE TRAILER HERE
First, the Recap:
Condiments. As citizens of this great planet we call earth, especially here in the United States of America, we pride ourselves on indulging in every possible food we can stomach, further enriching the experience through the use of such great, flavor-adding goodness like mustard, ketchup, and relish. However, there is a darkness that hides within this edible treasure trove, a substance insidious in its infiltration of so many foods we enjoy. It is the spread of spreads known as–mayonnaise! However, one man, Craig Horwitz (himself) managed to go one-on-one with a former Mayo Cartel member, who would only be identified as “M” (Anthony J. Vollmer), in order to discover what exactly this whistle-blower knew about the inner workings of mayo’s tightening grip on America.
From the shadowy back rooms of the FDA all the way to the top dogs in American politics, M exposes the secrets of the condimental underworld as it sows its seeds of disharmony and belly-busting propaganda to ensure that mayonnaise goes from an already addicting and health-endangering basic spread to a nationwide epidemic. Big Mayo names such as I.B. White (aka: Tom Stone), Lumpy (aka: Bob Taylor), Eva Dupre (aka: Natalie Ethington), and others all began perpetrating the lie that is mayo so that it would soon be found in and on everything from our sandwiches, cakes, potato salads, lobster (hence a foremost cause of crustacean abuse!), and even mayoboarding, until M knew he couldn’t go along with it any longer.
Next, My Mind:
Shocking, polarizing, and flat out confounding in its no-holds-barred look at the white menace known as mayonnaise, co-writer/co-director/co-producer/editor Horwitz and his co-writer/co-director/co-producer Vollmer shine a necessary light on this ever-popular condiment and its insatiable grip on everyone from the common man all up to political firebombs like Obamacare and the Affordable Care Act, two huge threats to Big Mayo and its unhealthy goals. Filmed using grainy imagery that intentionally reflects the insipid condition of the hearts and minds of Big Mayo’s top supporters and spokesmen, the movie barrels along, showcasing Horwitz’ pointed questions and the hard-hitting answers provided during his interview with “M”. Startling footage obtained of a mayoboarding session only adds weight the anti-mayo message being conveyed, and other facts presented paint an undeniable portrait of a problem that must be combated.
Seeing and hearing the banter and scheming being batted around by Big Mayo’s top leaders is also disconcerting to view, and there were plenty of instances where this reviewer almost had to turn the film off, sick to my condiment-enriched stomach in hearing about so much evil purposefully mapped out with the sole objective of further imprisoning the American people under a sea of mayo-laden products and political upheaval. Credit must truly be given to Horwitz for not just making this film concept come to life, but actually putting himself out there, in potential harm’s way, to ensure the information delivered in he and Vollmer’s film was accurate. Likewise, kudos should be extended to Vollmer for allowing his real identity to be revealed in being such a direct part of the project. Not sure what to say about those dastardly Big Mayo people listed above, trying to hide behind actor’s names. Disgusting and uncalled for.
In total, “The Mayo Conspiracy” stands as a shout-out against the white death spreading around the country, a call to action for those who choose to boldly stand up to Big Mayo and its lies, as well as a needed warning to all those in this nation that take it for granted every time they slather mayo all over everything they eat–let this film be a cautionary tale and a strong motivation to quit now before America becomes “A-mayo-ca”. Oh, by the way, if you’ve actually taken any of the above completely seriously, please stop reading, go to your local grocery, find the largest container of mayo you can, and proceed to eat, because sadly, it may already be too late for you.
As always, this is all for your consideration and comment. Until next time, thank you for reading!
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